“atharkhan”

Looking Back and Moving Forward. July 26, 2008

Posted by atharkhan in : CA Bar Prep, Personal , add a comment

Suspended Animation

It has now been 65 days since life in general has been in some kind of suspended animation. Although I definitely do not study all the time — and even when I do, my efficiency rate is worse than an internal combustion engine — I have truly not been able to think of anything other than the bar exam these last few months. It is the last thought in my head at night and the first one when I wake up. Even though I am aware of the things I need to work on, I am unable to do them because this stuff has just gotten old. I am happy that the exam is only a couple days away and I will finally be able to see how I perform rather than speculating about it.

Taking the Bar, Moving to Chicago … and Getting Married.

Between July 29th and August 8th, things will be fairly hectic. I am taking the exam (July 29th-31st), packing up (August 1st) so the movers can ship it to Chicago, handing over the place to a property management place to get it rented out, and traveling overseas to attend my brother’s wedding … and my own. That’s right, I am getting married on August 8th to a wonderful girl and I couldn’t be happier. If you are still reading this, you are probably someone who knows me well enough to know that although my decisions seem impulsive, they are not (remember USA, UT Austin & OU, Chicago, and more recently, Law School and Eye Surgery?). I’ve known for a while that she was the one but things just came together very quickly a week or so ago. And, that’s pretty much the story.

Blogging about the Bar

Blogging worked well for the Patent Bar so I did it for CA Bar as well. A few of you asked whether it was a waste of time. Honestly, it probably was but I found it to be worthwhile because it resulted in countless supportive messages and genuine advice from family members, friends, and even strangers. More importantly, it resulted in two things: accountability and perspective. First, I felt that If I didn’t do anything, I wouldn’t have anything to say — that drove me to work a little bit harder than I normally would. Second, it gave me perspective in two very important ways. I usually tend to focus on the things I was unable to do and looking at a list of things I had done made me feel relatively better about the day. Another unexpected way that it gave me perspective was that various strangers who were on this website (for various resources) said interesting things about how this is just an exam — it’s not life or death, its not an irreversible chemical reaction. The worst that can happen is that I don’t pass. I was talking to my dad about this random message a few days ago and he repeated something he used to say a lot: “failure is an event, not a person” (I am translating here). Of course then my dad went into his usual philosophical advice mode: “It’s an exam — an academic exam — its not your first — and it wont be your last. There are plenty of real life “exams” left to worry about so just go out and have dinner and watch a movie.” I can’t help but smile at that approach to exam-taking.

Do I Feel Prepared?

That’s what everyone is asking me now. No, I don’t feel prepared. I can rattle off a list of things I should have done but didn’t do, so I definitely cannot say with certainty that I will pass. I guess even if I felt like I could pass this thing, I wouldn’t dare to say it because that’s just not me. All I can say is this: I didn’t do as much as I wanted to but I hope that whatever I did do will suffice. Otherwise, it will be like that muted trumpet sound from Debbie Downer (wahh… wahh..wahhhhhhhh!)

Signing Off…

I am really not sure if I will be posting anything over the next few days because my schedule will be fairly chaotic. Maybe a small post here and there from my phone but definitely nothing like this. Once the bar is over, you can expect the usual tech stuff. Bye for now!